Bills Torch Detroit, and a Slate Full of Self-Made Civil Wars Awaits

Thursday night gave us a football score that actually looked like a football score for once — Buffalo 41, Detroit 31 — and somewhere in this league, owners rostering Bills starters are feeling smug while the Lions crowd nurses a Thursday-night hangover. Corn Shoughers, I am so SMRT D'OH, 2 Yards Under, and Foosball is the Devil all got a taste of that Buffalo buffet. Meanwhile Even Bauce Can Beat WV, Corn Shoughers (again, tough week), American Idol, and Bush League watched their Lions pieces get run out of Ford Field.

Now onto the weekend, where Vegas has handed us a slate full of delicious chaos — and where several of you are about to spend Sunday rooting against your own roster.

The Self-Sabotage Bowl: DAL vs. WAS

The highest over/under of the week sits at a gaudy 50.5 for Washington @ Dallas, and it feels like half the league has a piece of this one. Corn Shoughers, I am so SMRT D'OH, Stinky Bastards, and titysprinkles2 are riding with Washington, while Hands Holzberger, American Idol, Kardiac Kids, BourbonBandits, Foosball is the Devil, and Bush League are all in on Dallas (favored by 4.5). With that many owners invested, this Sunday night game might singlehandedly decide half the league's mood for Monday.

Owners at War With Themselves

Nothing says fantasy football quite like rostering both teams in the same game and being forced to root for a stalemate. Even Bauce Can Beat WV somehow has starters on both Minnesota and Chicago (CHI favored by 4.5, O/U 48.5) — enjoy that inner turmoil. American Idol is doing the same trick with New Orleans and Baltimore, a game where the Ravens are favored by a brutal 8.5. I am so SMRT D'OH and Hands Holzberger are each straddling Cincinnati and Houston (HOU -2.5), and 2 Yards Under has both Seattle and Arizona in the SEA @ ARI clash. But the real award goes to Stinky Bastards, who somehow rostered pieces in Cleveland/Tampa Bay AND Miami/San Francisco — a franchise that has apparently decided drafting is a coin flip they'd rather lose twice.

Blowout Watch

San Francisco is favored by a league-high 13.5 over Miami, which is the kind of number that makes you check if this is actually the NFL or a preseason game. Stinky Bastards owns pieces of both sides here too, so at least someone in this league is guaranteed to feel something.

Also on Deck

Philadelphia rolls into Tennessee favored by 7 with the week's lowest over/under (39.5) — a snoozer for the neutral fan, but Even Bauce, I am so SMRT D'OH, Kardiac Kids, and BourbonBandits all have Eagles pieces hoping for a plodding, field-goal-friendly stat line. Later, Indianapolis heads to Arrowhead as 6.5-point underdogs on Sunday Night, with American Idol, Hands Holzberger, Stinky Bastards, titysprinkles2, Kardiac Kids, and BourbonBandits all having skin in that game one way or another. And Monday night closes the week with the Giants heading to the Rams as 7-point dogs — Bush League and Even Bauce riding with New York, Kardiac Kids and Foosball is the Devil banking on the Rams to close the book on Week 3.

All lines and totals per this week's Vegas odds as listed above — take it as a vibe check, not a guarantee. This is fantasy football; nothing is guaranteed except somebody's kicker getting benched at halftime.