Sunday Morning Line: The Glory Days Gazette's Week 2 Odds Are In (And Somebody's About to Get Mugged)

Grab your coffee, check your lineups twice, and brace yourselves — the model has spoken, and it did not come to make friends. Six matchups on deck this week, and the spread between \"nail-biter\" and \"public execution\" has never been wider. Let's get into it.

Corn Shoughers (-2003) over Even Bauce Can Beat WV

Somewhere a Vegas book would laugh you out of the building for even asking about this line. 32.5-point spread, 95% win probability, and a moneyline of -2003 that basically reads like a phone number nobody wants to call. Even Bauce Can Beat WV — respectfully, the name might need a rewrite by Monday.

Hands Holzberger (-162) over I am so SMRT, D'OH

This one's got a little more meat on the bone. 5.3-point spread, 62% win probability — Hands is favored, sure, but this isn't a laugher. SMRT, D'OH has enough of a puncher's chance here that Homer himself might actually stay awake for the fourth quarter.

Stinky Bastards (-325) over American Idol

The model's got Stinky Bastards running away with this at 76% win probability and a 12.8-point cushion. American Idol's getting voted off early this week — no phone-in save is coming.

Kardiac Kids (-231) over titysprinkles2

70% win probability, a 9.1-point edge — the Kids are heavily favored, but their whole brand is living dangerously, so don't be shocked if this one gets closer than the numbers suggest before somebody's heart rate spikes.

BourbonBandits (-105) over 2 Yards Under

And here's your Sunday coin flip. 0.5-point spread. 51% win probability. A moneyline of -105 / +105 that's basically the model shrugging and saying "your guess is as good as mine." This is the one to actually watch — everything else on the slate isppre-decided by comparison.

Foosball is the Devil (-265) over Bush League

Closing out the board, Foosball is the Devil sits at 73% win probability with a 10.6-point lead in the model. Comfortable favorite, but not the kind of number that lets you skip checking your bench Sunday night.

Odds and spreads generated by this site's own live-scores projection model — not a real sportsbook, and definitely not financial advice. Play accordingly, and good luck out there.