Sunday's Set, Now Monday Night Has to Finish the Job

Week 2 gave us three tidy, finished football stories and three unfinished cliffhangers, and honestly that's the most 2026 thing that's happened all season. Let's start with what's actually over.

Sunday's Finals

BourbonBandits took down 2 Yards Under, 109.06-103.38, a game close enough to make 2 Yards Under's fantasy manager check the waiver wire out of spite.

American Idol survived a nail-biter against Stinky Bastards, winning by just 1.7 points (100.68-98.94) — officially the closest final of the week so far. Stinky Bastards, meanwhile, continue to live up to their name.

And in the week's most decisive Sunday result, I am so SMRT, D'OH knocked off Hands Holzberger, 83.78-77.02, a 6.8-point margin that stands as the blowout of the week among completed games. Not exactly the 119-point demolitions this league has seen before, but a win's a win, D'OH.

Monday Night Football: Three Games Still Hanging By a Thread

Three matchups refused to wrap up like civilized football games and are instead riding into Monday Night Football on the backs of four very specific players.

Kardiac Kids (101.76) hold a real cushion over titysprinkles2 (75.86), but Cam Skattebo and Kyren Williams haven't posted a single fantasy point yet tonight. If titysprinkles2 needed a miracle, tonight's the vehicle for it — though a 25.9-point gap is a lot to make up with two backs.

Over in Corn Shoughers (124.42) vs. Even Bauce Can Beat WV (68.92), the math is almost academic — Corn Shoughers lead by over 55 points with only Malik Nabers left to record stats. Even Bauce would need Nabers to have the game of his life just to make this respectable.

The real theater tonight is Foosball is the Devil (150.8) versus Bush League (81.6). That's a monster lead already, and Foosball is the Devil is still waiting on both Harrison Mevis and Jaxson Dart to add whatever they're going to add. Bush League fans, feel free to change the channel.

Where Everyone Stood Entering the Week

Before Sunday and tonight rewrote a few fortunes, the league sat with six teams at 1-0 entering Week 2: titysprinkles2 (132.2 PF), 2 Yards Under (153.1 PF), American Idol (88.8 PF), Hands Holzberger (136.4 PF), Corn Shoughers (122.5 PF), and Foosball is the Devil (127.8 PF). On the other side, Bush League, Stinky Bastards, I am so SMRT D'OH, Kardiac Kids, Even Bauce Can Beat WV, and BourbonBandits opened 0-1, all looking to even things up this week.

Final tallies on tonight's three live games will land once Skattebo, Williams, Nabers, Mevis, and Dart clock out from Monday Night Football.