The Full Ledger: Every Glory Days Season, Year by Year

2 Yards Under ran away with the No. 1 seed all season only to get mugged in the semifinals by the exact team seeded below them, and Foosball is the Devil rode the outrage all the way to a title while finishing with the fewest points of any playoff team. Stinky Bastards snuck into the final as the low seed and lost anyway, Hands Holzberger's title defense ended at 7-7 outside the bracket entirely, and BourbonBandits and titysprinkles2 spent the year mathematically eliminating themselves by Halloween.

• 2 Yards Under (Paul) — 9-5, 1666.0 pts — Paul's team scored the most points in the league, earned the No. 1 seed, and still watched Foosball is the Devil walk right through him in the semis, which is either poetic justice or just Tuesday.
• Bush League (Chris) — 9-5, 1550.8 pts — Bush League matched the top seeds win-for-win all year and then discovered in the playoffs that matching win totals and matching rosters are not the same sport.
• Foosball is the Devil (Devon) — 9-5, 1511.2 pts — Devon backed into the No. 3 seed, promptly mugged the No. 1 seed in the semifinal, and hoisted the trophy with the lowest scoring total of anybody who made the final four — proof that championships are won on volume, not vibes.
• I am so SMRT, D'OH (Tom) — 8-6, 1536.2 pts — Tom's team opened the bracket against the eventual champion and closed it about ninety minutes later.
• Stinky Bastards (Matt O) — 8-6, 1443.7 pts — Matt O talked his way into the championship game as a five-seed and then found out the hard way that Foosball is the Devil wasn't there to make friends.
• Hands Holzberger (Brian) — 7-7, 1523.3 pts — The three-time champ posted a 7-7 record and got a well-earned seat on the couch, which is either humbling or the single funniest sentence in this entire recap.
• Kardiac Kids (Adam) — 7-7, 1438.9 pts — Adam snuck into the bracket at .500 and got unceremoniously bounced by the eventual runner-up in the opening round, the fantasy equivalent of showing up to the party just in time to help clean up.
• American Idol (Van) — 7-7, 1261.5 pts — Van needed four separate strokes of luck just to finish at .500 and still missed the playoffs, the fantasy equivalent of using all your extra lives on the tutorial level.
• SmackDown (John) — 6-8, 1459.6 pts — John's team scored 166 fewer points than it allowed and just kept losing anyway, which at least has the virtue of consistency.
• Even Bauce Can Beat WV (Mark) — 6-8, 1436.9 pts — Mark's season was a coin flip landing on its edge nine different times — five bad losses, four lucky wins — and somehow still finished exactly where the coin flip suggested it should.
• titysprinkles2 (JR) — 4-10, 1267.5 pts — JR renamed the team and kept the same losing result, proving decisively that the problem was never the branding.
• BourbonBandits (Matt P) — 4-10, 1225.0 pts — BourbonBandits finished dead last in scoring by a wide margin and still needed three lucky wins to avoid being historically bad, which is either encouraging or deeply concerning depending on how you squint.

Brian completed an improbable threepeat in 2024, backing into it with the least impressive scoring total of any of his three championship runs and five separate lucky wins along the way — a dynasty built more on matchup luck than raw firepower. Tom's renamed "tom18fan" squad pushed him to the brink in the final before losing anyway. Down the standings, JR's freshly-christened "titysprinkles" finished tenth, and Bush League allowed more points than any team in the league in a season that, top to bottom, scored noticeably less than the years on either side of it.

• Hands Holzberger (Brian) — 11-3, 1582.7 pts — Brian won his third straight title with the least impressive point total of the bunch, which is either a dynasty or a hostage situation depending on how the other eleven owners are feeling about the bylaws by now.
• tom18fan (Tom) — 10-4, 1731.1 pts — Tom rebranded from D'oh! to tom18fan, made the championship game, and lost anyway — evidently a new username doesn't come with new luck.
• Kardiac Kids (Adam) — 9-5, 1555.3 pts — Adam went 9-5 and lived up to the team name by making absolutely nobody's blood pressure worse than his own.
• Even Bauce Can Beat WV (Mark) — 8-6, 1607.2 pts — Mark somehow made the playoffs despite five bad losses, which means his team was simultaneously good enough to win and cursed enough to blow it, on schedule, five separate times.
• 2 Yards Under (Paul) — 8-6, 1536.6 pts — Paul's team made the playoffs, made the third-place game, and made absolutely no one forget it happened either way.
• Stinky Bastards (Matt O) — 8-6, 1512.5 pts — Matt O snuck into the bracket at 8-6 and snuck right back out again just as quietly.
• SmackDown (John) — 6-8, 1497.6 pts — John's team lived down to its own name for the sixth time in eight losses.
• Foosball is the Devil (Devon) — 6-8, 1421.0 pts — The reigning devil missed the playoffs entirely in 2024, taking the year off from tormenting people to instead torment himself.
• BourbonBandits (Matt P) — 5-9, 1362.2 pts — Matt P's bandits finished under .500 for a team whose entire personality is supposed to be theft, which is a little on the nose.
• titysprinkles (JR) — 5-9, 1293.7 pts — JR's new team name generated more discussion in the group chat than his 1,293.7 points did on the scoreboard.
• Bush League (Chris) — 4-10, 1437.8 pts — Chris's Bush League allowed more points than anyone in the sport, fully earning the name for the first time in franchise history.
• American Idol (Van) — 4-10, 1424.3 pts — Van went 4-10 with zero lucky wins, meaning every single one of his losses was earned the honest way.

Brian's second straight title in 2023 came against a backdrop of pure chaos at the top of the standings: Even Bauce Can Beat West Virginia ran up the best record and the best scoring total in the league by a mile and still walked away with nothing but the third-place trophy, while Bush League snuck into the final as a five-seed and lost anyway. It was the middle chapter of a dynasty nobody saw coming, and the statistical high-water mark for a team that will not be remembered for winning anything.

• Even Bauce Can Beat West Virginia (Mark) — 11-3, 2017.5 pts — Mark posted the best record and the most points in the entire league and still has nothing to show for it but a third-place finish, the fantasy football equivalent of winning the popular vote.
• Hands Holzberger (Brian) — 10-4, 1915.6 pts — Brian won back-to-back titles without a single lucky win to his name, which either means he's actually this good or means the rest of the league needs to start checking the box scores more closely.
• Bush League (Chris) — 9-5, 1692.8 pts — Chris rode a league-high six lucky wins all the way to the championship game and then, fittingly, needed a seventh he didn't have.
• Foosball is the Devil (Devon) — 8-6, 1841.0 pts — Devon made the playoffs at 8-6 and got exactly as far as you'd expect a .571 team to get, which is to say not very.
• BourbonBandits (Matt P) — 7-7, 1786.4 pts — Matt P backed into the playoffs at .500 riding the strength of everyone else's mediocrity, then got reminded that .500 teams usually lose in the playoffs too.
• Kardiac Kids (Adam) — 7-7, 1785.7 pts — Adam's Kardiac Kids made the bracket at 7-7 and, true to the team name, provided minimal actual drama once they got there.
• JR's Team (JR) — 6-8, 1765.5 pts — JR's squad went 6-8 in the last year before he decided the problem might be the name and not the roster.
• I am so SMRT, D'oh! (Tom) — 6-8, 1618.5 pts — Tom needed three lucky wins just to finish at 6-8, a stat line that D'oh! sums up better than any sentence I could write.
• American Idol (Van) — 6-8, 1508.3 pts — Van allowed the second-fewest points in the entire league and still finished two games under .500, somehow managing to lose efficiently.
• 2 Yards Under (Paul) — 5-9, 1944.6 pts — Paul's team put up the third-most points in the league and finished 5-9 anyway, which takes a genuinely rare talent for scheduling your good weeks against nobody.
• Stinky Bastards (Matt O) — 5-9, 1672.3 pts — Matt O went 5-9 with one of the best point differentials of anyone who missed the playoffs, filing this one under "close but no cigar."
• SMACKDOWN (John) — 4-10, 1612.2 pts — John's team finished 4-10, avoiding true infamy only because nobody topped his own 2-12 record from two years earlier.

Nobody could have known it at the time, but Brian's 2022 title was the opening chapter of a run that would stretch three full seasons — the first domino in a threepeat this league is still talking about. John's SmackDown, a team that finished dead last the year before and would again the year after, snuck all the way to the championship game as a mid-seed and lost, while Bush League's Chris quietly authored one of the league's best point differentials of the year without ever threatening the top of the standings until the final month.

• Hands Holzberger (Brian) — 10-4, 2002.1 pts — Brian's first title of what would become a three-year stranglehold on the league started here, and at the time nobody had any idea what they were witnessing.
• Bush League (Chris) — 9-5, 1677.2 pts — Chris went 9-5 with four lucky wins, quietly building the resume of a team that would spend the next two seasons living up to a much better name.
• BourbonBandits (Matt P) — 8-6, 1995.1 pts — Matt P's Bandits stole third place with the same energy the team name suggests: opportunistic, a little shady, and gone before anyone could stop them.
• SMACKDOWN (John) — 8-6, 1729.4 pts — John rode an 8-6 record all the way to the championship game, the single best moment in a career otherwise bookended by last-place finishes on either side of it.
• Kardiac Kids (Adam) — 8-6, 1704.7 pts — Adam needed a league-high five lucky wins to squeak into the playoffs, which is either great roster management or great friends in the schedule-generating algorithm.
• 2 Yards Under (Paul) — 7-7, 1952.6 pts — Paul made the playoffs while allowing more points than anyone else who got in, the fantasy version of sneaking into a bar five minutes before last call.
• I am so SMRT, D'oh! (Tom) — 7-7, 1625.2 pts — Tom's team finished 7-7 and missed the playoffs on a tiebreaker, a fate the team name had honestly been foreshadowing all season.
• Foosball is the Devil (Devon) — 6-8, 1886.9 pts — Devon's Devil went 6-8 and spent the year tormenting absolutely nobody but his own lineup decisions.
• Stinky Bastards (Matt O) — 6-8, 1824.2 pts — Matt O finished 6-8 in a year defined mostly by living down to the team name in the box score, if not in spirit.
• American Idol (Van) — 6-8, 1467.1 pts — Van needed four lucky wins just to reach 6-8, a season that would not have survived a single vote off the island.
• Even Bauce Can Beat West Virginia (Mark) — 5-9, 1652.7 pts — Mark's team went 5-9, the low point of a run that would flip completely upside down the very next season.
• JR's Team (JR) — 4-10, 1545.8 pts — JR's team scored the fewest points in the league and finished last, a full-circle disaster that the eventual name change was presumably meant to exorcise.

Three teams finished the 2021 regular season tied at 10-4, and the tiebreakers sorted them straight into the top of the bracket in order — Matt O's Stinky Bastards came out on top after Kardiac Kids and "I am so SMRT, D'oh!" filled out the other two spots, the tightest three-way logjam this league has produced. Meanwhile SMACKDOWN's John finished 2-12, the single worst record in this entire seven-year stretch, and Bush League's Chris posted a league-high four lucky wins in a 7-7 season that went nowhere.

• Stinky Bastards (Matt O) — 10-4, 2000.8 pts — Matt O won a three-way logjam at the top of the standings and the championship both, somehow living down to his team's name only in the acceptance speech.
• Kardiac Kids (Adam) — 10-4, 2016.0 pts — Adam scored more points than anyone in the league, tied for the best record, and still finished as the runner-up — the most Kardiac Kids result imaginable.
• I am so SMRT, D'oh! (Tom) — 10-4, 1865.1 pts — Tom tied for the league's best record, didn't suffer a single bad loss all year, and still came away with nothing but a third-place finish for his trouble.
• Hands Holzberger (Brian) — 9-5, 1956.0 pts — Brian went 9-5 and missed the playoffs anyway, an early, quiet hint of the dynasty that was still a full year away from starting.
• BourbonBandits (Matt P) — 8-6, 1690.9 pts — Matt P snuck into the bracket at 8-6 and got out exactly as fast as he snuck in.
• Bush League (Chris) — 7-7, 1595.5 pts — Chris needed a league-high four lucky wins just to tread water at .500, which is either a rebuilding year or a cry for help.
• Foosball is the Devil (Devon) — 6-8, 1965.3 pts — Devon put up the third-most points in the entire league and still missed the playoffs, proof that scoring and scheduling luck are not on speaking terms.
• JR's Team (JR) — 6-8, 1930.0 pts — JR's team went 6-8 in a season best remembered, if it's remembered at all, for not being memorable.
• 2 Yards Under (Paul) — 6-8, 1845.1 pts — Paul finished 6-8 without a single bad loss on the books, meaning every defeat was earned fair and square — a small, cold comfort.
• American Idol (Van) — 6-8, 1594.4 pts — Van went 6-8 and, true to the show it's named after, got voted off well before anything interesting happened.
• Even Bauce Can Beat Bishop Sycamore (Mark) — 4-10, 1675.9 pts — Mark's team, freshly renamed for a real high school football scandal, went 4-10 and became something of a punchline in its own right.
• SMACKDOWN (John) — 2-12, 1588.7 pts — John's SmackDown finished 2-12, the single worst record in this entire seven-year stretch, and somehow still showed up in Week 14.

Matt P's BourbonBandits didn't just win the 2020 title, they lapped the field doing it, finishing with almost 240 more points than anyone else in the league and steamrolling a season that was over as a suspense story by Thanksgiving. Foosball is the Devil put up a fight in the championship but never had the firepower to keep pace. Down at the bottom, Bush League and American Idol tied for last at 4-10, giving the two most self-aware team names in the league the two worst records to match.

• BourbonBandits (Matt P) — 11-3, 2219.7 pts — Matt P outscored the entire league by nearly 240 points and won the title in a landslide that was functionally decided by Thanksgiving.
• Foosball is the Devil (Devon) — 11-3, 1982.2 pts — Devon matched the Bandits win for win all season and then discovered in the championship game exactly how big that 240-point gap really was.
• JR's Team (JR) — 9-5, 1840.5 pts — JR's team went 9-5 and made the playoffs as the forgettable middle child between two juggernauts.
• I am so SMRT, D'oh! (Tom) — 8-6, 1998.7 pts — Tom backed into third place at 8-6, which the team name suggests was somehow both an accomplishment and an accident.
• Even Bauce Can Beat West Virginia Football Club Team (Mark) — 7-7, 1869.4 pts — Mark needed three lucky wins to scrape to .500, a record the team's increasingly elaborate name has never once lived up to.
• 2 Yards Under (Paul) — 7-7, 1704.2 pts — Paul also needed three lucky wins to reach 7-7, proving that at least two people in this league were getting away with something in 2020.
• Kardiac Kids (Adam) — 6-8, 1913.1 pts — Adam put up the third-highest point total in the league and still missed the playoffs at 6-8, a genuinely impressive feat of scheduling misfortune.
• Stinky Bastards (Matt O) — 6-8, 1603.4 pts — Matt O went 6-8 in a quiet, forgettable tune-up for the title he'd win the very next season.
• SMACKDOWN (John) — 6-8, 1554.8 pts — John's team finished 6-8, sandwiched neatly between two much worse seasons on either side of it.
• Hands Holzberger (Brian) — 5-9, 1898.3 pts — Brian's future dynasty was nowhere in sight at 5-9, the last time in years this team would look genuinely bad.
• Bush League (Chris) — 4-10, 1736.4 pts — Chris's first season in the league ended at 4-10, a rookie campaign the franchise's own name had already fully predicted.
• American Idol (Van) — 4-10, 1730.4 pts — Van allowed more points than anyone in the league and finished 4-10, getting voted off in the only competition that actually mattered.

JR's Team posted the best regular-season record in the league at a staggering 12-2 and still didn't win the title, bounced early and settling for third place while Tom's "I am so SMRT, D'oh!" — a full two games worse in the standings — walked away with the trophy. It's the kind of finish that makes a mockery of the regular season, and it happened in the very first year of this seven-year stretch, setting the tone early: records mean nothing once the bracket starts.

• I am so SMRT, D'oh! (Tom) — 10-4, 1971.7 pts — Tom won the title two full games worse than the best team in the league, which is either poetic or just further proof that the regular season is a suggestion.
• JR's Team (JR) — 12-2, 2045.6 pts — JR posted a 12-2 record, the best in the league by two full games, and has a third-place finish to show for it — the single most brutal line in this entire recap.
• Foosball is the Devil (Devon) — 10-4, 1886.1 pts — Devon matched the champion's record exactly and still came up one game short in the only one that counted.
• WhisKey Runners (Chris Key) — 9-5, 1990.6 pts — Chris Key's Runners went 9-5, missed the playoffs anyway, and then vanished from the league entirely — the fantasy equivalent of a one-hit wonder.
• Hands Holzberger (Brian) — 8-6, 1865.2 pts — Brian made the playoffs at 8-6 despite three bad losses, a preview of the patience that would eventually pay off in a very big way three years later.
• American Idol (Van) — 7-7, 1791.9 pts — Van finished 7-7 with four bad losses, meaning nearly a third of his defeats came in games he had genuinely no business dropping.
• BourbonBandits (Matt P) — 6-8, 1810.7 pts — Matt P's Bandits went 6-8 in a quiet dress rehearsal for the runaway title still a year away.
• Even Bauce can beat West Virginia (Mark) — 5-9, 1914.5 pts — Mark's team racked up four bad losses in a 5-9 season, roughly the fantasy equivalent of losing to West Virginia after all.
• 2 Yards Under (Paul) — 5-9, 1698.3 pts — Paul opened this whole seven-year stretch at 5-9, a modest beginning for a team that would eventually put up the league's best record in 2025 and still get bounced in the semifinals.
• SMACKDOWN (John) — 5-9, 1380.6 pts — John's team scored the fewest points in the entire league, a low bar that would somehow get cleared even further two years later.
• Kardiac Kids (Adam) — 4-10, 1547.5 pts — Adam's Kardiac Kids went 4-10 with remarkably little actual cardiac drama involved.
• Stinky Bastards!!! (Matt O) — 3-11, 1624.4 pts — Matt O closed out 2019 at 3-11 with three exclamation points in the team name and absolutely nothing else to celebrate.

After years of pretenders and lucky underdogs stealing the crown right out from under the regular-season leaders, 2018 finally let the best team actually be the best team: Tom's squad ran a league-best 10-4 with only a single bad loss, and made it stand up in the final against a BourbonBandits team that matched them win-for-win but couldn't buy a lucky bounce when it counted. The middle of the table was a bloodbath of parity — four teams tied at 7-7 — while the real drama lived at the bottom, where Jake From State Farm turned in the league's ugliest campaign in years, allowing more points than anyone scored trying to stop them. SMACKDOWN, mercifully, snuck out of the outhouse with four lucky wins propping up an otherwise indefensible roster.

• I am so SMRT, D'oh! (Tom) — 10-4, 2206.9 pts — Ran the table on both volume and luck, and somehow still finished the year looking mildly surprised he had to lift a trophy at all.
• BourbonBandits (Matt P) — 10-4, 2117.3 pts — Matched the champ win for win and lost anyway, proof that three bad losses is exactly the toll the fantasy gods charge for a title shot.
• Stinky Bastards!!! (Matt O) — 9-5, 2038.3 pts — Rode three lucky wins to a near-title résumé and never once had to apologize for it.
• 2 Yards Under (Paul) — 9-5, 1874.8 pts — A quietly competent 9-5 that nobody in the league bothered to be scared of, which is its own kind of achievement.
• American Idol (Van) — 8-6, 1851.7 pts — Snuck into the championship off an 8-6 record, the fantasy equivalent of getting into the final round on a technicality and a prayer.
• Even Bauce can beat West Virginia (Mark) — 7-7, 1845.9 pts — Split the difference between good and bad so precisely you'd think it was on purpose.
• Hands Holzberger (Brian) — 7-7, 1844.9 pts — Finished one bad loss shy of respectable and blamed the schedule the whole way down.
• WhisKey Runners (Chris Key) — 7-7, 1721.6 pts — Three lucky wins kept the record from reading like the disaster the film actually showed.
• Foosball is the Devil (Devon) — 5-9, 1831.6 pts — Scored like a playoff team and lost like a lottery pick, the most infuriating combination in fantasy football.
• JR's Team (JR) — 5-9, 1753.8 pts — Zero lucky wins, zero bad losses, just five straight months of getting exactly what was coming.
• SMACKDOWN (John) — 5-9, 1509.9 pts — Four lucky wins was the only thing standing between this roster and a historically bad line in the standings.
• Jake From State Farm — 2-12, 1334.4 pts — Allowed more points than any team in the league while also being one of its lowest-scoring offenses — a rare two-way disaster.

Two teams went 11-3 in the regular season — Paul's 2 Yards Under and Mark's Even Bauce — and the league spent November mentally planning their coronations. Instead, Brian's 9-5 Hands Holzberger snuck through the bracket and beat 2 Yards Under outright in the final, a friendly reminder that fantasy playoffs don't care how good your Tuesdays were. Even Bauce, for all that regular-season firepower, needed four lucky wins just to get that far, suggesting the record flattered them more than the tape did. Down at the bottom, SMACKDOWN turned in a 2-12 that would've been the worst finish of the decade in most other years, saved from true infamy only by the fact that nobody in the league had the energy left to notice.

• 2 Yards Under (Paul) — 11-3, 1904.9 pts — Posted the best record in the league and walked away with a runner-up medal, the fantasy equivalent of winning the argument and losing the vote.
• Even Bauce can beat West Virginia (Mark) — 11-3, 1725.5 pts — Tied for the league's best record on the back of four lucky wins, which is a nice way of saying the schedule maker did a lot of the heavy lifting.
• Hands Holzberger (Brian) — 9-5, 1976.7 pts — Snuck in as the third-best record and left with the only trophy that matters, proof Brian understood something about January that nobody else did.
• Foosball is the Devil (Devon) — 9-5, 1659.1 pts — A clean, unlucky-free 9-5 that got absolutely nothing for its trouble.
• WhisKey Runners (Chris Key) — 9-5, 1636.6 pts — Good enough to scare people, unlucky enough that nobody remembers it happened.
• BourbonBandits (Matt P) — 8-6, 1792.1 pts — Scored like a top-three team and finished like a middle-of-the-road one, the classic BourbonBandits experience.
• American Idol (Van) — 6-8, 1818.7 pts — Four bad losses on a roster that scored plenty is the statistical portrait of a team that simply could not close.
• Stinky Bastards!!! (Matt O) — 6-8, 1543.1 pts — A quiet, uneventful 6-8 in a year when everyone else was busy being dramatic about theirs.
• I am so SMRT, D'oh! (Tom) — 5-9, 1746.4 pts — Four bad losses turned a respectable scoring total into a lost season, and lived up to the exclamation point in the name of the guy who beat him.
• Herndon Illegal Aliens — 4-10, 1421.8 pts — Two lucky wins was the entire highlight reel.
• Jake From State Farm — 4-10, 1290.8 pts — The lowest-scoring team in the league still somehow avoided finishing in last place, which says more about SMACKDOWN than it does about them.
• SMACKDOWN (John) — 2-12, 1419.8 pts — Outscored two different teams that beat them in the standings, a special kind of misery reserved for the truly cursed.

For a league that seems constitutionally allergic to letting its best team actually win, 2016 was refreshingly boring: Chris Key's WhisKey Runners went 11-3 and finished the job, beating a 9-5 Even Bauce squad in a final that at least had two of the league's best records in it. The real story was the collapse at the bottom, where two former contenders — Paul's 2 Yards Under and Tom's I am so SMRT, D'oh! — cratered to 4-10 and 3-11 respectively, a reminder that nobody's throne is safe here for more than a season or two. In between, Herndon Illegal Aliens quietly strung together five lucky wins, the fantasy equivalent of winning a coin flip five times in a row and calling it a system.

• WhisKey Runners (Chris Key) — 11-3, 1977.7 pts — Did the extremely un-Glory-Days thing of actually being the best team and also winning the championship.
• Hands Holzberger (Brian) — 9-5, 1969.0 pts — Outscored the champion and still went home with nothing, the tax you pay for playing in this league.
• Even Bauce can beat West Virginia (Mark) — 9-5, 1781.7 pts — Made the final on merit for once and ran into a genuinely better team, no moral victories awarded.
• American Idol (Van) — 9-5, 1755.9 pts — A perfectly solid 9-5 that the bracket simply had no room for.
• BourbonBandits (Matt P) — 8-6, 1882.2 pts — Scored more than three teams that finished ahead of them and still couldn't crack the top four.
• Herndon Illegal Aliens — 8-6, 1674.3 pts — Five lucky wins is not a strategy, but it is, technically, a record.
• Stinky Bastards!!! (Matt O) — 6-8, 1934.4 pts — Put up the third-most points in the entire league and still finished with a losing record, a genuinely impressive feat of bad timing.
• Foosball is the Devil (Devon) — 6-8, 1921.3 pts — Right there with the Bastards in the "scored a ton, lost anyway" club, membership apparently mandatory this season.
• Cold Lampin FC — 6-8, 1757.8 pts — Unremarkable in every direction, which in this league counts as a strategy of its own.
• SMACKDOWN (John) — 5-9, 1545.4 pts — Three lucky wins kept this from being the disaster the scoring column suggests it should've been.
• 2 Yards Under (Paul) — 4-10, 1540.6 pts — Fell from playoff contender to bottom-two disaster in a single offseason, and nobody in the league let him forget it.
• I am so SMRT, D'oh! (Tom) — 3-11, 1555.0 pts — The name aged like milk this particular year.

Herndon Illegal Aliens put together the league's best regular season at 10-4, and, in keeping with what was already becoming a house tradition, went home without a ring — losing in the final to Mark's Even Bauce squad, who backed into the title at a modest 8-6. Cold Lampin FC gave the Aliens a legitimate scare as runner-up material with a lucky-win-fueled 9-5, while the middle of the standings turned into an eight-team pileup between 6-8 and 8-6 that made the regular season feel more like a coin-flip tournament than a full campaign. SMACKDOWN closed out the bottom at 4-10, the only team in the league that finished with more bad losses on the scoreboard than actual highlights.

• Herndon Illegal Aliens — 10-4, 1973.6 pts — Won the regular season by a mile and lost the only game that gets remembered, the most Glory Days outcome imaginable.
• Cold Lampin FC — 9-5, 1863.3 pts — Made the final with zero bad losses and two lucky ones, a résumé that reads suspiciously like a team that never once had to sweat.
• The MonStars (Michael) — 8-6, 1984.8 pts — Put up the second-most points in the league and still couldn't crack the final — the Space Jam villains never really did catch a break.
• Even Bauce can beat West Virginia (Mark) — 8-6, 1936.3 pts — Backed into the title at .500-adjacent, and not one person in this league will ever let him forget how unimpressive the path there looked on paper.
• WhisKey Runners (Chris Key) — 8-6, 1874.3 pts — The fourth-best team by scoring and yet somehow completely invisible in the title conversation all year.
• 2 Yards Under (Paul) — 7-7, 1828.5 pts — A perfectly forgettable .500 season sandwiched between a championship and a last-place finish, the definition of a bridge year.
• Hands Holzberger (Brian) — 7-7, 1770.5 pts — Two bad losses away from a genuinely good season, one bad loss away from a genuinely bad excuse.
• American Idol (Van) — 7-7, 1646.4 pts — Three lucky wins carried a middling scoring total to a middling record, at least the numbers were consistent about it.
• Fish Bait — 6-8, 1581.8 pts — Three lucky wins and still finished under .500, which is either impressively unlucky or impressively bad, take your pick.
• Stinky Bastards!!! (Matt O) — 5-9, 1906.5 pts — Scored more than half the league and still finished in the bottom third, a masterclass in losing close.
• I am so SMRT, D'oh! (Tom) — 5-9, 1826.7 pts — Right behind the Bastards in the "great offense, no wins to show for it" support group.
• SMACKDOWN (John) — 4-10, 1447.9 pts — Zero lucky wins, zero bad losses, just a full season of getting exactly what the numbers said they deserved.

Paul's 2 Yards Under and Mark's Even Bauce both ran the regular season to a league-best 12-4, setting up what should have been the championship everybody wanted — and then Fish Bait, an 11-5 team nobody had circled all year, ran the table in the bracket and beat Even Bauce for the title while 2 Yards Under didn't even make the final. It was the single most emphatic "regular season doesn't matter" statement the league had produced to that point. Down at the very bottom, Tom's Easy as RG3 finished an ugly 1-13, and Van's Anthony's Team wasn't far behind at 2-12 — a genuinely rough year to be either of those two owners, and an even rougher year to be their kickers.

• 2 Yards Under (Paul) — 12-4, 2089.3 pts — Posted the league's best record and somehow isn't even the answer to "who made the championship," which tells you everything about how this bracket went.
• Even Bauce can beat West Virginia (Mark) — 12-4, 1955.1 pts — Tied for the best record in the league and still walked away a runner-up, proof that going 12-4 buys you a nice seed and absolutely nothing else.
• Fish Bait — 11-5, 2078.5 pts — Snuck past two 12-4 juggernauts to steal the whole thing, the fantasy equivalent of winning the lottery on a ticket somebody else paid for.
• The MonStars (Michael) — 9-5, 1821.4 pts — A perfectly good season that nobody talked about because two other teams were busy going 12-4.
• Cold Lampin FC — 9-7, 1688.7 pts — Allowed more points than they scored across the full year and still finished with a winning record, a genuine magic trick.
• WhisKey Runners (Chris Key) — 8-6, 2086.1 pts — Outscored every team in the league not named 2 Yards Under and finished sixth, which is either bad luck or a truly special way of scheduling losses.
• Stinky Bastards!!! (Matt O) — 7-7, 1822.3 pts — A perfectly average season in a year defined by extremes on both ends.
• Herndon Illegal Aliens — 7-7, 1687.0 pts — Five lucky wins kept this from reading like the well-below-average team the film actually showed.
• Hands Holzberger (Brian) — 6-8, 1743.7 pts — Two bad losses and a middling scoring total added up to exactly the mediocre year the standings suggest.
• SMACKDOWN (John) — 4-10, 1468.9 pts — Two lucky wins were doing a lot of unheralded work to keep this out of true last-place territory.
• Anthony's Team (Van) — 2-12, 1430.1 pts — Two lucky wins is a strange thing to call the highlight of a season, but here we are.
• Easy as RG3 (Tom) — 1-13, 1486.5 pts — Four bad losses on top of a 1-13 record is just piling on at that point, but the fantasy gods clearly felt strongly about it.

Terp Cop and Stinky Bastards!!! both finished the regular season 10-5, essentially co-favorites heading into the bracket, and it was Terp Cop who came out the other side with the trophy, edging a WhisKey Runners squad that leaned on four lucky wins to even get to the final. The middle of the table was as flat as it gets — four different teams tied at 7-7 — which made Black & Gold's 4-10 finish at the bottom stand out even more starkly, a lonely campaign in a year where basically everyone else found a way to stay respectable. Herndon Illegal Aliens, for what it's worth, turned five lucky wins into a 6-8 record that felt more like a moral victory than a real one.

• Terp Cop — 10-5, 2090.1 pts — Matched the league lead in wins, led it outright in scoring, and made sure nobody could argue with the trophy.
• Stinky Bastards!!! (Matt O) — 10-5, 2042.6 pts — Tied for the best record in the league and still had to watch someone else hoist the hardware.
• WhisKey Runners (Chris Key) — 9-6, 1925.7 pts — Four lucky wins got them to the final, where the actual talent gap finally showed up.
• 2 Yards Under (Paul) — 8-6, 1869.1 pts — Zero bad losses, zero lucky wins — just a clean, honest 8-6 with nothing to complain about and nothing to brag about either.
• Easy as RG3 (Tom) — 8-7, 1955.7 pts — Third-highest scoring team in the league and still barely finished above .500, thanks to three bad losses eating into what should've been a special year.
• SMACKDOWN (John) — 7-7, 1904.2 pts — Fourth in scoring, dead in the middle in the standings, the very definition of underachieving.
• Hands Holzberger (Brian) — 7-7, 1833.2 pts — Zero bad losses and zero lucky wins, a season that was exactly as good as the roster deserved, no more, no less.
• The MonStars (Michael) — 7-7, 1828.6 pts — Blended into the seven-team pileup at .500 so completely you'd forget they were even here.
• Herndon Illegal Aliens — 6-8, 1492.0 pts — Five lucky wins turned a genuinely bad roster into a season that almost looked respectable on paper.
• Fish Bait — 5-9, 1775.3 pts — Scored more than six teams that finished ahead of them, which is its own special flavor of misery.
• Even Bauce can beat West Virginia (Mark) — 5-9, 1750.0 pts — A rare down year for a franchise that usually finds a way to be relevant in the spring.
• Black & Gold (Van) — 4-10, 1780.6 pts — Outscored four teams that beat them in the standings and still finished dead last, the least fun way possible to lose a season.

The MonStars ran away with the best regular season in the league at 12-4, and — in what was fast becoming the defining bit of this league's history — did not win the championship, falling instead to Easy as RG3's Tom, who got there at a merely-good 11-5. WhisKey Runners rode five lucky wins all the way to a runner-up finish despite a middling 9-7 record, the platonic ideal of a team that caught every bounce in October and November. At the bottom, SMACKDOWN and Herndon Illegal Aliens tied at 3-11, giving the league its first genuine two-team race to the cellar in years.

• The MonStars (Michael) — 12-4, 2033.9 pts — Posted the best record and the second-most points in the league and still has to hear about the year they didn't win it.
• Easy as RG3 (Tom) — 11-5, 1995.8 pts — Rode the RG3 hype train to an actual championship, a rare case of the name and the results agreeing with each other.
• Fish Bait — 11-5, 1916.1 pts — Tied for the league's second-best record and finished with the worst point differential of anyone in the top five, living dangerously the entire way.
• Even Bauce can beat West Virginia (Mark) — 9-5, 1870.5 pts — A quiet, efficient season that nobody in the league bothered to be scared of until it was too late to matter.
• WhisKey Runners (Chris Key) — 9-7, 1733.1 pts — Five lucky wins turned a below-.500-on-merit roster into a championship-game participant, the closest thing to highway robbery this league has seen.
• Hands Holzberger (Brian) — 7-7, 1965.1 pts — The fourth-highest scoring team in the entire league and somehow just a .500 outfit — the schedule truly did not cooperate.
• 2 Yards Under (Paul) — 7-7, 1757.0 pts — A tidy, unremarkable .500 season that didn't ask anyone to feel anything about it either way.
• Stinky Bastards!!! (Matt O) — 6-8, 1827.4 pts — Scored more than five teams that finished ahead of them; the annual Stinky Bastards tradition of losing close continues.
• Terp Cop — 5-9, 1951.3 pts — Somehow the third-highest scorer in the entire league and still finished with a losing record — the anti-2013, in every possible way.
• Black & Gold (Van) — 5-9, 1640.7 pts — Three lucky wins were the only thing keeping this out of true last-place conversation.
• Herndon Illegal Aliens — 3-11, 1583.7 pts — A rough follow-up to years of hovering respectably in the middle of the pack.
• SMACKDOWN (John) — 3-11, 1483.1 pts — Tied for the league's worst record and somehow still not even the least interesting last-place team in this archive.

SMACKDOWN put up the league's best regular-season record at 10-4 and, in a twist that should surprise absolutely no one who's made it this far into the archive, did not win the championship — that honor went to Chris Key's WhisKey Runners, who backed into the title at a pedestrian 8-6 with five lucky wins doing the heavy lifting. Stinky Bastards!!! turned in a strange 8-4-2 campaign, the rare fantasy season that ends with actual ties on the ledger, while Even Bauce can beat West Virginia limped home at 4-10 for the league's worst finish of the year. It's as good a place as any to note the pattern the league would keep repeating for most of the decade to follow: being the best team in September and October means remarkably little in December.

• SMACKDOWN (John) — 10-4, 1560.0 pts — Ran away with the best record in the league and still couldn't get past the semifinals, setting the tone for basically every year that followed.
• Beck to the Future (Tom) — 9-5, 1562.0 pts — Made the final on the back of a genuinely strong season and ran into a team that had no business beating them on paper.
• Stinky Bastards!!! (Matt O) — 8-4-2, 1623.0 pts — Two ties on the season, which is either impressively cautious fantasy management or just a coincidence nobody's ever going to let go of.
• Black & Gold (Van) — 8-6, 1386.0 pts — Three lucky wins on a below-average scoring total kept this from looking like the year it actually was.
• WhisKey Runners (Chris Key) — 8-6, 1231.0 pts — Won the whole thing with the lowest points-for total of any team in the top eight, the single most efficient title run in this archive.
• The MonStars (Michael) — 7-6-1, 1654.0 pts — The league's second-highest scorer and still didn't sniff the championship; four bad losses will do that.
• Fish Bait — 6-6-2, 1577.0 pts — Three ties and two bad losses added up to a season that felt more like a stalemate than a fantasy campaign.
• Terp Cop — 6-8, 1443.0 pts — A quiet, unremarkable losing season in a league that was about to make a habit of producing them.
• 2 Yards Under (Paul) — 6-8, 1427.0 pts — Two lucky wins kept this from being an even uglier line in the record book.
• Hands Holzberger (Brian) — 5-9, 1267.0 pts — The lowest-scoring playoff-adjacent team in recent memory, somehow still not the worst team in the league.
• Herndon Illegal Aliens — 4-9-1, 1225.0 pts — A tie and four defeats made for a season that was bad in the most boring way possible.
• Even Bauce can beat West Virginia (Mark) — 4-10, 1463.0 pts — Four bad losses on top of a last-place finish — a truly complete season of misery, top to bottom.

Fish Bait ran the regular season table at 12-2 and led the league in scoring, then watched Stinky Bastards!!!!! — a 9-5 team that snuck into the bracket with room to spare — hoist the trophy instead, the purest "regular season doesn't matter" gut-punch the league had produced yet. Even Bauce Can Beat West Virginia quietly put together the third-most points in the league to go with a real 8-6 record, good for fourth place — no mystery left to solve there anymore. The middle of the standings was a pileup of 6-8 mediocrity, three teams tied there exactly, while Illegal Aliens and Chris's Team spent the year racing for the bottom.

• Fish Bait (Niels) — 12-2, 1,426 pts — best record and most points in the league, and still went home with nothing but the moral victory and a great story for the group chat.
• Terp Cop (Matt S) — 10-4, 1,296 pts — quietly excellent all year and quietly irrelevant come the only week that counted.
• Stinky Bastards!!!!! (Matt O) — 9-5, 1,171 pts — backed into the third-best record in the league and left with the only trophy that matters.
• Even Bauce Can Beat West Virginia (Mark) — 8-6, 1,254 pts — the third-most points in the entire league to go with a real, no-longer-mysterious 8-6 record.
• American Idol (Van) — 8-6, 1,253 pts — one point behind the team directly above them and still outscored three teams that finished ahead of them, a season decided by a coin's width.
• SMACKDOWN (John) — 7-7, 1,041 pts — the living definition of "fine," a team engineered in a lab to finish exactly at .500.
• Black & Gold — 6-8, 1,154 pts — allowed 1,219 against, scored 1,154 for, and somehow still looks surprised every single week.
• 2 Yards Under (Paul) — 6-8, 1,146 pts — a losing point differential is proof that vibes alone can't cover a bad Week 3.
• Jack Bauer Fears Me (Tom) — 6-8, 1,124 pts — allowed the fewest points of any losing team and still couldn't buy a win, the definition of star-crossed.
• Hands Holzberger (Brian) — 5-9, 1,169 pts — scored more than half the league but lost nine games anyway, a monument to bad matchup luck or worse lineup decisions.
• Illegal Aliens (Doug) — 4-10, 947 pts — bottom five in points, bottom three in wins, a season best described as "present."
• Chris's Team (Chris Key) — 3-11, 907 pts — the fewest points in the league, which at least made the losing consistent.

Fish Bait and Hands Holzberger finished the regular season in a dead heat at 9-4-1 apiece, with Fish Bait sneaking the top seed on a nine-point tiebreak — then went on to actually win the whole thing, turning a coin-flip regular season into a real trophy. Fumbilitis's name proved uncomfortably prophetic at 7-7, tied on record with an Even Bauce Can Beat West Virginia squad that edged them on points, and the league's true basement battle was between Lane Train's 3-10-1 and American Idol's ugly, two-tie 3-9-2.

• Hands Holzberger (Brian) — 9-4-1, 1,280 pts — led the league in points and matched the champion's exact record, and still went home a runner-up in every category that isn't a trophy.
• Fish Bait (Niels) — 9-4-1, 1,271 pts — won a tiebreak in September and a championship in December, somehow making both feel inevitable in hindsight.
• Black & Gold — 8-6, 1,263 pts — third in scoring, third in the standings, a franchise fully committed to the concept of "pretty good."
• SMACKDOWN (John) — 8-6, 1,151 pts — 8-6 never looked so unremarkable.
• Jack Bauer Fears Me (Tom) — 8-6, 1,149 pts — three teams tied at 8-6, and this one had the least to show for it in points.
• Herndon Illegal Aliens (Doug) — 7-6-1, 1,123 pts — a tie in the standings is the fantasy equivalent of shrugging for four months.
• Even Bauce Can Beat West Virginia (Mark) — 7-7, 1,150 pts — outscored five teams that finished ahead of them, a .500 season buried in a stacked middle of the pack.
• Fumbilitis (Andy) — 7-7, 1,112 pts — the team name called its shot and the record dutifully complied.
• Stinky Bastards!!!!! (Matt O) — 6-8, 1,201 pts — outscored five teams that beat them in the standings, the annual reminder that schedule luck is undefeated.
• 2 Yards Under (Paul) — 6-8, 1,106 pts — 6-8 and forgettable, which is its own quiet accomplishment.
• American Idol (Van) — 3-9-2, 1,148 pts — two ties in a lost season is just extra time spent not winning.
• Lane Train — 3-10-1, 961 pts — bottom of the league in both wins and points, a season that never left the runway.

2 Yards Under didn't just win the 2008 title, they lapped the field doing it — a league-best 10-3-1 record paired with a scoring total nearly 175 points clear of anyone else, the closest thing this league has produced to a coronation. Behind them, Fish Bait and Hands Holzberger both finished 9-5 trying to be the best of the rest, while the middle of the pack calcified into a stack of 7-7 teams that all beat each other into a statistical wash. Stinky Bastards!!!!! closed the season alone in last at 4-10, with Even Bauce Can Beat West Virginia's own rough 5-9 not far above them.

• 2 Yards Under (Paul) — 10-3-1, 1,399 pts — led the league in wins and points by a mile, then won the championship too, just to make sure nobody mistook it for a fluke.
• Fish Bait (Niels) — 9-5, 1,224 pts — the best of a very good "not 2 Yards Under" tier.
• Hands Holzberger (Brian) — 9-5, 1,158 pts — matched the win total of the team one spot ahead and still finished behind on points, fantasy football's cruelest math.
• Black & Gold — 8-5-1, 1,186 pts — a tie in the standings that decided absolutely nothing.
• Jack Bauer Fears Me (Tom) — 7-7, 1,085 pts — the platonic ideal of a .500 team.
• SMACKDOWN (John) — 7-7, 1,070 pts — fewer points than the team ahead of them at the identical record, the tiebreak nobody wants to lose.
• American Idol (Van) — 7-7, 1,028 pts — three teams tied at 7-7, and this one had the least offense to show for it.
• Fumbilitis (Andy) — 6-8, 1,080 pts — a losing record with league-average points, the quiet middle-class of a bad season.
• Herndon Illegal Aliens (Doug) — 6-8, 1,055 pts — 6-8 with nothing else to say about it.
• Lookout for the Mocs — 5-9, 1,067 pts — a name that sounds like a warning nobody heeded, including its own roster.
• Even Bauce Can Beat West Virginia (Mark) — 5-9, 917 pts — the lowest point total in the league by a comfortable margin, a rough season even before you get to the standings.
• Stinky Bastards!!!!! (Matt O) — 4-10, 1,080 pts — outscored five teams with better records and still finished alone in the basement, proof the schedule can be a genuine enemy.

An earlier edition of this archive listed Even Bauce Can Beat West Virginia's 2007 record as an inexplicable 0-0 — a championship team the record books insisted had never played a game. Further review turned up the real number, which had been hiding in plain sight the whole time: 9-4-1, the third-best record in the league, backing a perfectly ordinary and thoroughly deserved title run. There was never a mystery. There was a busted spreadsheet. Fish Bait ran up an 11-3 record without reward for a second straight look-alike year, Fumbilitis backed up its name with a 10-3-1 near-miss and the league's highest point total, and the bottom of the standings turned into a genuine race to the floor between "ouch," Bad Newz Kennels, and a beleaguered 2 Yards Under squad that somehow finished 5-9 despite scoring more than eight other teams.

• Fish Bait (Niels) — 11-3, 1,360 pts — the league's best record for a second consecutive year, and for a second consecutive year it bought them nothing but bragging rights.
• Fumbilitis (Andy) — 10-3-1, 1,470 pts — scored more than anyone in the league and still watched someone else lift the trophy.
• Even Bauce Can Beat West Virginia (Mark) — 9-4-1, 1,228 pts — the third-best record in the league, entirely legitimate, and the championship to match — turns out there was never a mystery, just a busted spreadsheet.
• Hands Holzberger (Brian) — 8-5-1, 1,069 pts — a quietly solid year overshadowed by literally everything else that happened this season.
• Herndon Illegal Aliens (Doug) — 8-5-1, 1,043 pts — matched the win total of the team above and got the exact same amount of attention, which is to say none.
• Stinky Bastards!!!!! (Matt O) — 7-7, 1,198 pts — outscored six teams with better records and got a .500 season for the trouble.
• SMACKDOWN (John) — 6-8, 876 pts — the lowest point total of any team with a winning-ish record, offense apparently optional.
• 2 Yards Under RIP#21 (Paul) — 5-9, 1,192 pts — outscored eight other teams and still finished with a losing record, the box score equivalent of getting mugged.
• Bad Newz Kennels — 5-9, 1,076 pts — allowed almost exactly what it scored and still found a way to lose nine times.
• ouch — 5-9, 975 pts — a team name that reviewed its own season in advance and nailed it.
• American Idol (Van) — 4-10, 1,123 pts — top-half scoring and bottom-half record, a season lost entirely to bad matchups or worse benching decisions.
• Jack Bauer Fears Me (Tom) — 4-10, 1,057 pts — 4-10 with nothing left to save by December.

Hands Holzberger delivered the closest thing to a perfect season this league has ever produced — a league-best 12-2 record and a league-best 1,403 points, no tiebreaks or asterisks required, just a straightforward stomping from Week 1 on. Even Bauce Can Beat West Virginia quietly put together the second-most points in the league to go with a 9-5 record, good for third place. The real story of 2006 might still be the bottom of the standings, where SUCK THESE!!! limped to a brutal 1-13 finish while scoring the fewest points in the league by nearly 100, with Herndon Illegal Aliens and "ouch" not far behind in a genuine race for the wooden spoon.

• Hands Holzberger (Brian) — 12-2, 1,403 pts — led the league in wins and points and won the title without a single lucky bounce, the rare season with no fine print.
• Jack Bauer Fears Me (Tom) — 10-4, 1,235 pts — a genuinely great season that happened to share a league with an all-timer.
• Even Bauce Can Beat West Virginia (Mark) — 9-5, 1,328 pts — the second-most points in the entire league behind only the champion, a genuinely great season with the .500-ledger mystery finally solved.
• American Idol (Van) — 9-5, 1,227 pts — three teams tied at 9 wins, and this one edged the tiebreak on points alone.
• Stinky Bastards!!!!! (Matt O) — 9-5, 1,202 pts — matched the win total right above them and lost the tiebreak by a whisker.
• Slit My Throat Please (Paul) — 8-6, 1,227 pts — outscored two teams that finished ahead of it, a name that undersold a perfectly respectable year.
• Fish Bait (Niels) — 7-7, 1,152 pts — a rare pedestrian season for a franchise that usually finishes near the top.
• Ringgold Storm — 7-7, 1,032 pts — .500 with the second-fewest points of any non-bottom-feeder, riding matchup luck to respectability.
• Fumbilitis (Andy) — 6-8, 1,035 pts — a losing record and bottom-third scoring, a season with nothing to hang onto.
• Herndon Illegal Aliens (Doug) — 4-10, 1,035 pts — four wins on the same point total as the team six spots ahead of them, the schedule playing favorites again.
• "ouch" — 2-12, 981 pts — a two-win season the team's own name had already accepted before Week 1.
• SUCK THESE!!! — 1-13, 850 pts — dead last in wins and points both, a total-package disaster of a season.

Fish Bait posted the league's best record for a third time in this stretch alone — 11-3 in 2005 — and for a third time watched someone else take the trophy, this time Stinky Bastards!!!!! turning a comparatively modest 10-4 into the franchise's first championship. Hands Holzberger endured the opposite kind of season, a 5-9 finish that also happened to carry the single worst point differential in the league, while SmackDown closed out the year 4-10 in a fittingly quiet finish to a quiet decade-opening era.

• Fish Bait (Niels) — 11-3, 1,273 pts — the league's best record for the third time in recent memory, and for the third time, not the league's champion.
• Stinky Bastards!!!!! (Matt O) — 10-4, 1,297 pts — led the league in points and backed it up with the franchise's first title, no asterisk needed this time.
• Toms Team (Tom) — 8-5-1, 1,208 pts — the best point differential outside the top two, a genuinely underrated season.
• American Idol (Van) — 7-7, 1,134 pts — .500 and unremarkable, a very familiar kind of season.
• Herndon Illegal Aliens (Doug) — 6-7-1, 1,119 pts — one tie away from being just another .500 team, which is to say, still just another .500 team.
• 2 Yards Under (Paul) — 6-8, 1,113 pts — a losing record with middling points, a season with no real story to tell.
• DC MALAKA's (Brian J) — 6-8, 1,096 pts — matched the win total of the team above with even less to show for it.
• "ouch" — 6-8, 1,019 pts — bottom-half points propping up a still-losing record.
• Hands Holzberger (Brian) — 5-9, 1,073 pts — the league's worst point differential by a wide margin, a season that was never as close as the win total suggests.
• SmackDown (John) — 4-10, 974 pts — last place in both wins and points, a rebuild before rebuilds were cool.

American Idol turned in the league's best regular season at 12-2, only to watch SmackDown snatch the title away with a mere 10-4 record — the second straight year, and second different team, to learn that the best regular season in this league buys you a bye week and nothing more. Shark Attack's Back matched SmackDown's win total but missed the trophy on the tiebreak, while the bottom of the standings belonged to Bums, who finished 1-12-1 and were effectively done by Thanksgiving.

• American Idol (Van) — 12-2, 1,322 pts — ran away with the best record in the league and still needed a spectator's ticket to the championship game.
• Shark Attack's Back (Mike) — 10-4, 1,276 pts — matched the eventual champion's win total and outscored them too, and still went home with silver.
• SmackDown (John) — 10-4, 1,144 pts — the lowest point total of any team in the league's top four, and still the one hoisting the trophy.
• Stinky Bastards!!!!! (Matt O) — 9-5, 1,268 pts — the second-most points in the league and a season that still ended one round early.
• 2 Yards Under (Paul) — 8-5-1, 1,192 pts — a strong season that got completely lost in a stacked top of the standings.
• Toms Team (Tom) — 6-8, 1,151 pts — a losing record with a healthy scoring total, the annual reminder that points don't cash checks.
• Not THAT Aaron Brooks — 5-9, 1,027 pts — a name built around a disclaimer for a season that needed several more.
• I've already won...just give up (Chris Key) — 5-9, 885 pts — the league's lowest point total, a 5-9 record to go with it, and a team name finally describing an actual season instead of a data gap.
• DC MALAKA's (Brian J) — 3-11, 940 pts — bottom-three in both wins and points, a season with nowhere good to hide.
• Bums — 1-12-1, 923 pts — thirteen games and one measly win, a franchise that earned its name early and often.

The very first season in franchise history set the tone for everything that would follow: 2 Yards Under posted the league's best record at 12-2, and Mike's Team (AKA Shark Attack) won the championship anyway at a modest 10-4, establishing in year one a curse that would haunt Fish Bait, American Idol, and half the league for the next two decades. I've already won...just give up matched that 10-4 record and outscored the eventual champion by 91 points across the season, and still finished the year without the trophy. Johns Team brought up the rear at 3-11 with the fewest points scored in franchise history.

• 2 Yards Under (Paul) — 12-2, 1,362 pts — posted the best record in franchise history in franchise history's very first year, and still didn't win it — the original sin this league has never quite recovered from.
• I've already won...just give up (Chris Key) — 10-4, 1,248 pts — matched the eventual champion's record and outscored them by 91 points across the season, and still didn't come away with the trophy — the team name got the "already won" part backwards.
• Mike's Team (AKA Shark Attack) (Mike) — 10-4, 1,157 pts — won the league's first-ever championship with only the third-best point total among the teams tied atop the standings, proof that banners don't need style points.
• Toms Team (Tom) — 7-6-1, 1,076 pts — a solid debut season buried under three juggernauts up top.
• Stinky Bastards!!!!! (Matt O) — 7-7, 984 pts — .500 in year one, setting an early standard the name would spend the next two decades living down to.
• American Idol (Van) — 7-7, 948 pts — the lowest points of any .500 team in the league's inaugural season, an ominous preview of playoff heartbreaks to come.
• DC MALAKA's (Brian J) — 6-8, 1,137 pts — outscored four teams that finished ahead of them, the first of this league's many cruelty-of-the-schedule seasons.
• Dougs Team (Doug) — 4-10, 998 pts — a rough introduction to a league that wouldn't get any easier.
• DC BowLinguals — 3-10-1, 889 pts — bottom-three in points in year one and never really recovered the momentum.
• Johns Team (John) — 3-11, 771 pts — the fewest points scored in franchise history, a bar this league has thankfully never seen challenged since.