Week 4 Awards: Monangai Rots Pine While Kardiac Kids Rot in the Standings

Week 4 is in the books, and while the standings don't lie, the box scores sure do love a good practical joke. Grab your tinfoil hat, we've got some awards to hand out.

Lucky Win of the Week

Two teams won despite scoring below the week's average, which is the fantasy equivalent of winning the lottery with a ticket you found on the sidewalk. Hands Holzberger squeaked past Kardiac Kids 101.76-84.9, and Foosball is the Devil took down titysprinkles2 102.68-75.58. Congrats to both — the scoreboard says win, the box score says "don't ask questions."

Bad Beat of the Week

2 Yards Under dropped 118.52 points — well above the week's average — and still lost, falling to Corn Shoughers' 132.82. Sometimes you do everything right and the other guy just does more right. Rude.

High and Low Score

Corn Shoughers put up the week's biggest number at 132.82, backing up their unbeaten record with an actual explanation for it. On the other end, titysprinkles2 limped in at 75.58, the week's basement dweller — and yes, that's the same team that also got run over in the Lucky Win section above. Rough seven days all around.

Bench Blunder of the Week

Kardiac Kids take home this week's dunce cap for starting TreVeyon Henderson (4.2 pts) over Kyle Monangai, who sat and quietly produced 30.5 pts from the bench. That's a 26.3-point gift Kardiac Kids wrapped up and handed to the football gods — no note attached, just pure generosity.

Power Rankings

Blended from record, total points, and recent form (form's influence is still small this early, but it's growing). Here's where the league stands:

1. Corn Shoughers — 4-0 and the week's top scorer. The clubhouse leader with receipts.
2. Foosball is the Devil — Best recent form in the league and the points to back it up. Quietly the scariest team here.
3. 2 Yards Under — Tops the league in total points for, yet sits 2-2. The Bad Beat award above basically explains this team's whole season.
4. I am so SMRT, D'OH — Solid across the board, nothing flashy, nothing broken. The reliable sedan of the league.
5. BourbonBandits — Middle of the pack in everything. The definition of "fine."
6. American Idol — 3-1 record looks great until you notice they're 11th in points for. Living dangerously on close wins.
7. Even Bauce Can Beat WV — 1-3 but 5th in points for — the bad beat club just didn't have the receipts to prove it this week.
8. Stinky Bastards — 2-2 and comfortably unremarkable. Nobody's scared, nobody's worried.
9. Hands Holzberger — Won this week despite scoring below average, which about sums up a squad that's 2-2 with the league's 2nd-worst recent form.
10. Kardiac Kids — 1-3, and after leaving 30.5 points on the bench, it's self-inflicted. The bench blunder people.
11. Bush League — 0-4. The only thing worse than losing is losing while this column has nothing nice to say.
12. titysprinkles2 — Dead last, lowest score of the week, worst recent form in the league. At least the bar for next week is subterranean.

Power rankings blend record, total points for, and recent form — not just this week's results. Stats pulled directly from Week 4 data; no scores were harmed or invented in the making of this column.